To My Younger Self

It’s a familiar journey for many parents as they transition from the hectic days of school runs, packed lunches, and activity-filled evenings to a quieter stage when grown children have grown and moved out. Reflecting on the challenging yet rewarding years of raising children often brings a mix of emotions. Recalling the exhaustion, the struggle to keep up with daily chores, and occasional self-doubt about being a good mom is part of that journey. Amid the chaos, there were countless cherished memories and moments where things went right. However, there’s also the recognition of areas where one might wish for a chance to redo or better understand. The fulfillment of being a mom coexists with the moments of feeling lost or having set aside parts of oneself.

It’s a common experience, prompting the question.

What would say to my younger self?

If I could advise my younger self, the first thing I would emphasize is the power of prayer throughout the day. I would encourage not holding back and integrating it seamlessly into every aspect of daily life. Recognizing the value of prayer has been a lesson learned over time, and I now understand it as a strong weapon that I didn’t fully tap into when I was younger. Philippians 4:6 (TPT) reinforces this wisdom, with Paul urging us not to be overwhelmed or anxious but to saturate each day with prayer. By sharing every detail with God and expressing faith-filled requests with gratitude, we can experience a wonderful peace that goes beyond human understanding, guarding our hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

I remember trying to make a sincere effort to wake up an hour before my kids to have some quiet time with the Lord.  However, it often felt like the kids sensed it and woke up earlier than usual.  This left me feeling defeated before the day even began, as I struggled to meet this high expectation I had set for myself.   I used to believe that success in my prayer life hinged on a specific routine. Eventually, I broke free from this misconception and started having ongoing conversations with Him throughout my day. Now, I pray while doing everyday tasks like laundry, cooking dinner, or driving. Whether I’m in the shower or putting on makeup, it has become a heart posture rather than a task on a checklist. It’s a continuous conversation with my closest friend, the one who loves me the most. 

According to scripture, we are encouraged to share every detail of our lives with Him. It is through this open communication that we can experience God’s peace, which goes beyond our human understanding. When faced with challenges like little Johnny’s misbehavior or the stress of a busy week, the solution is to pray. Invite Him into those moments, share your concerns, and find peace that surpasses any other experience.

Second, it’s crucial to anchor yourself in the Word.  Life gets hectic, but skimping on time with the Word has long-term consequences. Despite my desire to spend time in His Word when my kids were little, it often became the first thing I sacrificed when time was tight. The Word holds immense power, offering wisdom for navigating life’s challenges. Hebrews 4:12 (TPT) describes it as a living force, penetrating to the core of our being, revealing true thoughts and motives. It serves as a guide, providing hope and life. Integrate moments of meditation into your day, whether by choosing a scripture to reflect on, reading aloud in the car, or sharing it with your kids at bedtime—planting seeds of understanding in their spirits.

Thirdly, I would emphasize the importance of compassion and self-healing. Recognizing the need to address childhood hurts and trauma was a pivotal lesson. I wish I had understood that investing time and effort in my own healing would not only benefit me but also profoundly impact my children’s future and the health of my marriage. As kids grow up and leave home, it becomes just the two of you again. I discovered that unresolved childhood pain nearly jeopardized my marriage after my children had grown and moved out. Seeking the assistance of a counselor, alongside the guidance of the Holy Spirit, was critical in navigating the path to healing for me. Remember, you are worth the investment, and so is your family. Don’t hesitate to prioritize your well-being.

Last but not least, I would advise my younger self to prioritize regular dates as a married couple. While we did have occasional date nights, I now realize the significance of making it a more consistent practice. Maintaining a healthy connection is crucial for a strong relationship, and it starts with us as parents. Establish guidelines for these date nights, reserving them for discussions about yourselves,  dreams and goals,or about your day,  steering clear of topics like behavioral issues with kids, schedules, or finances. Keep them light-hearted and enjoyable. Purposefully find moments to laugh together; it doesn’t require spending a lot of money to create meaningful and successful time together.

I am thankful for the journey and the things I have learned along the way.  Reflecting on the past without dwelling on regret, this is freeing.

As I reflect on this journey – from the hustle of parenting to guiding grown children – the focus shifts from the beautiful mess to the invaluable lessons. The advice I’d give my younger self is clear. Embrace the enduring power of prayer, hold onto the wisdom found in the Word, prioritize self-compassion and healing, and invest in regular moments of connection with your spouse.

So, to the younger me navigating the challenges of motherhood, remember this: the journey may be unpredictable, but with faith, love, and a commitment to continuous growth, you’ll find your way through and discover the beauty in every stage.